I think a lot about Mr. K these days… while I still feel that his trust issues and insecurities still would have suffocated me, I cannot not acknowledge that he is one of the few guys in my life that completely showered me with attention and truly devoted himself to me… something that others don’t do. In many ways, I wonder if I made a grave mistake when I dumped him. To be honest, at the time when I had dumped him I had the naive thought that we’d continue being friends and eventually become lovers once more after more understanding of each other without the pressure of an end result. Last summer when I saw his email pop into my mailbox I was somewhat happy and scared to see it, because I wasn’t sure if it was for friendship or for what… unfortunately it had to be drama.
Somehow, a part of me still hopes that he’ll contact me again. Even if he has a new boyfriend and it’s just for friendship I’d be ok with that because at least it really does mean that I wasn’t a good fit for him. However, if he isn’t dating anyone… I would be open to trying again. Or is it because I’m really lonely at this point? I really do wonder.
It’s hard to find people who are willing to really love you for who you are. While Mr. K didn’t exactly completely do that, he did do it to an extent. On my end, I tried my best to like him for who he was, but it was difficult to do so when you’re walking on egg shells.
I’d email him myself, but I feel like it’s a bit stupid for me to dig up skeletons… I really should find a way to really let go of things. But why is it so hard for me? Why is it so hard for me to just say goodbye?